The Definition of Insanity (Trying to keep up in a conversation between us)

Warren: Here we go again… What am I going to talk about? I seriously don’t know what to talk about. I know! I’m not going to talk about anything, I’m going to talk TO you. So, how is everyone doing? Good morning, good evening, depending on your time zone, or good afternoon. I was wondering, if I didn’t have a specific topic to talk about, would you guys still enjoy my blog. Because nothing is really happening at this point in my life. Yes, I know, my Mom and I can have our specific conversations, but there hasn’t really been much of that recently. Leah: Wait a sec, what about our whole, deep conversation the other morning about me telling you how I finally understood horcruxes and what it felt like to have your soul tethered to something because of the dreams I had? Warren: Yeah but I haven’t really seen the movies (please don’t sue us J. K. Rowling) to understand what there is to talk about with horcruxes. So, that plan kind of jumped out the window. Leah: What about our conversation about good music when you got home from school today and singing a duet to Country Road ™ (please don’t sue us, John Denver… is John Denver still alive? Hold on, we’re having our research team look it up now, aka Google, please don’t sue us Google ™ ….. Uh, okay then, please don’t sue us John Denver’s estate.) (That was a negatory btw, John Denver has in fact passed… a long time ago. Unless parts of his soul were tied to horcruxes, then he lives on through YouTube ™ , please don’t sue us YouTube ™ .) (Please don’t sue us, John Denver’s YouTube ™ horcrux). What if YouTube ™ was a horcrux?? Wouldn’t that be insane!? Warren: Great Mom, you brought all the lawsuits on us. Leah: When they say, lawsuit, is it a thing, or are they referring to the lawyers in suits, hence, lawsuit? Because if it was just their suits, I have to admit, that’s not very intimidating or scary. Warren: I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. Leah: Pretty much, you dilly dallied, ho hummed, didn’t pick up the pace Picante ™ , so I just started rolling with it. Warren: So, I guess that’s just what happens when we have a “normal” conversation without a topic. Leah: Oh look, there’s a squirrel!!! Warren: Didn’t pick up the pace Picante ™ , pffffftttttt, that’s what I say to that! Oh look, there’s Henny! Leah: And that’s why I don’t like pineapple on my pizza. (Warren was laughing too hard to even say anything, so our captions guy (or girl, cause it’s me) just decided to put…) Warren: *Laughing uncontrollably* Leah: I really don’t mind pineapple on my pizza, but I don't eat pizza either. Warren: And that’s why I think the Earth is square. I didn’t say flat, because you know, controversy. Anyway, I say we stop here before it gets anymore random and the reader completely gets lost and loses any more interest. Leah: Right, I agree. Buttons. Warren: Yum, you said buttons…. Chocolate *drool* (Buttons are an Irish chocolate, in case you didn’t know). Leah: That’s right. Lemon. Warren: Are we going insane? I think we are! Hmmm… my mouth tastes like lollipops. Leah: That was so random Warren.

Passions

Warren: I wonder what I’m going to talk about? Hmmmm… (Thank you Rico, but I can’t talk about pidgey noises *Rico, my cat, was making his pigeon noises). Anyway, I’m going to talk about… music. Music can be a good way to express your mood at the current time. Alternatively, it can be a good way to get your message out there. Whatever that message may be. But, all I really know is, I have a lot of things I want to do in life. Music is in the top ten of things I want to do. Truthfully though, I don’t think I have a good enough singing voice for music. Yeah, I know music isn’t all about singing, it’s just about the music itself. I like to have something to accompany the background noise. I know stuff like, classical music or slow music doesn’t really involve singing. But, what if I want to do multiple genres!? In fact, I just told my Mom, last night, that I might want to join a classical music institution. Again, what if I want to do multiple genres, what do I do? I know you can pull the, “You’re only a kid, you have plenty of time,” cliche, but, I have a plan, and don’t get me wrong, I have a backup plan as well. But, nothing has gone wrong yet (knocks on plastic). So, why would I have to shuffle the deck when I still have plenty of cards left to play. I mean, I know it’s up to me and I have plenty of time. It’s still kind of worrying that I don’t really know what I want to do with my life yet. But, until life gives me lemons, to make lemonade, I’ll just keep chugging along. Mom, what do you think I should do? Leah: You have so many attributes Warren and have a natural inclination for a lot of things as well. I think you should do something that you feel is rewarding and that makes you happy. If you feel like you can best get your message across to people through the medium of music, pursue whatever type of music you choose. Ultimately, whatever you choose to do with your life, whether it be music, computer programming, professional gaming, comedy, acting, motivational speaking, etc., you can still have passions outside of your profession. You don’t have to limit yourself to one thing… don’t EVER limit yourself or let anyone put limits on you. Most importantly, you REALLY need to watch the movie, Shine, with me. It’s a really good movie and will give you an even greater appreciation for classical music, more than you already do.

Thank You!

Warren: Mom, you know I always love you guys, right? Because I feel like I don’t say it enough anymore. You know, with me being a moody, ahem, how do I say this nicely to my puberty side? Rebel? But, I do love you guys. You don’t have to say anything this time Mom, if you don’t want to. This is just my apology/love/appreciation blog to everyone I love. One and a half or two years ago, let’s just say my life didn’t feel like it was worth living. But, after everyone’s tremendous support, including my counselor, I finally got the courage to speak my mind through this blog and let the world know I’m out there. Now, I just consider myself as a humble 13 year old boy from a small town. A lot of you consider me as something more than that. While I really do appreciate that, I just want to be humble and give back to the community in any way I can. I really do love you guys. And I love that I have such wonderful people backing me up and supporting me. I just wanted to thank you for being a part of the ride so far. I hope this happiness and this high note that I’m feeling lasts for a good while. What I’m saying is, and I don’t want to sound cheesy, but it’s true, enjoy things while they last. Because I know darn well that this happiness I’m feeling won’t last forever. But, when you feel happy, savor it. I don’t want to hear that you’re too depressed to really see some good in the world; Because then you will make the exact same mistake I did when I was depressed. So, anyone who is listening, do me a favor please, enjoy life and laugh a little bit. Even if you can only be happy for a minute at a time, make the most out of that minute. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and as always, stay happy!

Moms are Awesome!

Warren: Okay, love. You love your parents a lot, don’t you? Well, if you said, yes, you get a pat on the head (patting you on head). Seriously, your parents are awesome individuals. Well, mostly, I know this isn’t the case for everyone. However, we’re focusing on the good parents, like my Mom. Right Mom? Leah: I try to be a good Mom to you. There are times when I feel like I’m failing at being a Mom. But, I’m glad to know you think I am, because, truly, it’s your opinion that matters most on how I am as a Mom… since I’m YOUR Mom. Warren: I’m holding my Mom’s hand as we speak. I’m trying to love on her, but also, at the same time, I’m making it incredibly hard for her to type right now. But, I just wanted to talk about how I wouldn’t be able to really muster up the courage to do this blog if it wasn’t for Mom. So I just wanted to commend Moms on this blog. I might do something about my Dad next week, who knows. Anyway, Moms are the main guardian of the group. I mean, come on, they literally carried you in their uterus. If that wasn’t proof enough that Moms deserve instant respect, I don’t know what is!? I just don’t feel like enough kids are giving parents, especially Moms, the major, major respect that they deserve. I might sound like I’m being biased to my Mom (and I am), in this particular blog. But, the truth is, I love both of my parents. So, to all you Dads that feel left out, don’t worry, I love and respect you guys too. I just figured it’s only right that we start with the Moms. I’ve gathered, from my Mom, that parenthood is really hard. It probably is. Now, I can hear you Moms saying, “Oh, you have no idea.” And you’re right, I don’t. I try to sympathize, love and cheer up my Mom, no matter what. I mean, every little bit helps, right Mom? Leah: Yes, Warren, it does. I absolutely treasure and appreciate you. I know that we fight sometimes, it’s normal. I know we get moody with each other sometimes, it’s normal. But, no matter what, even in those times, I always love you. Just the same, we laugh together, we joke together, we sing together, we write together, we do everything together and that’s normal too. I love how, not only self aware YOU are, but how you actually SEE me as a person. You don’t just view me as your Mom, someone who doesn’t have thoughts and feelings of her own. You actually see me as the person I am (good or bad) and we relate on that level most of the time. Warren: Some of you can see, through this blog, just how strong our bond is and how strong it’s becoming. So, yeah Moms, this thirteen year old kid, that some of you don’t even know, salutes you!

We Ditched the Script

Warren: Okay, let’s face it, I abandoned the script for this one. So, don’t you hate when kids treat you with less respect when they should really treat you with more? Most adults will know what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of this myself. But, it still makes me mad. Let’s call these people, ahem, (I’m trying to think of the nicest word possible)... Mom, do you have a word? Leah: Condescending or condescender. Warren: Well, I hate when I have to deal with condescenders. Being a kid with a disability, you get a lot of these people thrown at you. On the annoying scale, it depends, is the person actually trying to be condescending or is everything they say just surprisingly condescending… they actually both rate about 7 out of 10 on the annoying scale. Don’t get me wrong, the condescender may not know me and know how smart I am and feel they have to simplify things for me. No big deal, I’ll just subtly show them how smart I am. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just out and out say to them that they don’t have to treat me like a baby. The most annoying people are the people that don’t even give you a chance. The people that talk over you or tell my own Mother what they think I need. Right Mom? Leah: Ummm Hmmmm. Warren: Is that all you have to say? Leah: My mother told me, when you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I’m following my Mother’s advice with my response. Warren: Oh, I see how it is. In truth, I probably don’t even want to know you’re thinking, Mom. Leah: Nope, probably not. Warren: Well, Ima [sic] just gonna [sic] leave that at that. (Leah: Substandard dialogue makes my butt twitch.) Warren: But, don’t you use substandard dialogue sometimes, Mom? Leah: NEVER! Okay, I may use some slang while speaking, but, having to type it out makes me die a little inside. Warren: Okay, I don’t want you to die inside or outside. This has totally gone off script, pfffftttt [sic], as if I had a script from the beginning (totally not flipping through papers, yep, totally don’t have a script). Leah: I think we’d be fired for this script, the way we have totally and utterly digressed from your original thought… or script. Warren: Good thing we’re not writing for a TV show or we’d never make it (totally not reading that off a teleprompter). Leah: The kid has jokes tonight! Warren: When do I never not have jokes on hand? Leah: True story! Anyway, back on track, moral of the story, (yes, there is actually a moral to all of this). Just because someone may be different than you, where you can actually see it, don’t just assume that makes that person “less than” anything or anyone. Talk to them and treat them the same as anyone else and give them the same respect you would want in return. Whatever you do, DO NOT ever try to tell their Mother that you know them better when you only just met them… just saying. Warren: See, there is a method to our madness. Leah: Many may doubt that Warren, but yes, eventually we are able to herd ourselves back to the original point.

Maturity Meet Immaturity

Warren: To be mature or not to be, that is the question. Nah, I’m just kidding, but seriously, when you’re really mature as a kid and you want to commit yourself to doing something, but then the kid in you just says, “Nah, we’ll do it tomorrow.” Two days later comes around and you HAVE to do it, then the maturity in you says, “Just accept it,” and wants to do it. Then, the kid in you challenges EVERYTHING! I’m sorry Mom, but it’s “technically” not my fault. I mean, it is, but it’s not. I know you were like that as a kid, a mature kid, but when you did something irrational, you would judge yourself for it. So, yeah, I’m literally the male version of you, Mom. Then, I feel bad when we get into a huge argument and then like, ten minutes later, my mature side says to the kid in me, “What have you done? You fool!” (Leah: Incidentally, he’s laughing about calling himself a fool). Warren: Well, it’s true, Mom, and then I feel really bad about trying to push you to your limit. Even though you’ll always love me, those are a lot of moments I regret. Leah: Warren, I will absolutely love you, NO MATTER WHAT! The stuff you’re going through at this age, is normal. The fact that we butt heads and argue about those things, like you procrastinating or just not wanting to do something you have to do, is normal. Warren: Yeah, but it’s still so annoying when your mature side has to just sit there and watch and let the chaos unfold. Leah: I think that’s called, your rational side fighting against your raging hormonal side. Warren: I see what you’re saying, but I just want us to love each other no matter what. Leah: We DO love each other, no matter what, and we always will… even when your hormones are running the show. Warren: To any kids out there, or adults who were like this as kids, you’re not alone. Anyway, I just want to stop saying something mature and then my hormonal kid side contradicts my mature side every five seconds. So, yeah, that was my most recent struggle and I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog. Leah: Can I just weigh in again? Warren: That’s funny, I was just going to ask you if you had any closing thoughts, Mom. Are we telepathic? Leah: Yes, we are, except when it comes to homework. Anyway, speaking as a… ahem, 40 year old woman… Warren: Did that hurt to even type? Leah: Yeah, it really did. Anyway, as a woman of a particular age, I fight against my mature side and my hormonal side. I’m sure you will find a lot of adults out there that can say the same and suffer from procrastination and contradicting themselves as well. It’s not exclusive to your age and it's certainly nothing to beat yourself up over. But yeah, I feel ya and still love you just the same. Warren: You know what else feels weird to say? That I am an… ahem… a teenager! Oh man, that felt weird to say. But, anyway, that’s all folks! (Leah: Insert Porky Pig sound clip here).

My Best Friend

Warren: Friends, they’re the people you’re close to, they’re the people you can tell anything to and they still wouldn’t judge you. Friends have been a big part of my childhood, just like most other people’s childhood. To the people that didn’t have many friends, I can relate to you too. But, I’m going to mainly talk about what it’s like to have that one friend that you can always go to. Now, for the sake of his own privacy, I’m going to call him, Bob. The day I really met Bob was in preschool and we really connected and started laughing about something. Now, I don’t know exactly what we were laughing about (you know how preschoolers are). But it seems like I remembered that it was pretty funny anyway. I look back on that day with great fondness. That was the start of a long, healthy friendship. (Sorry, it’s really hard to concentrate while my cat is playing with his toy in the background). Anyway, that friendship not only lasted for 10 months, it has lasted for 6 years. You may be asking, “But, Warren, what happened to Bob?” Bob moved to a different school, but he’s pretty close still. I don’t see him though. I hope that one day the friendship can be rekindled and that we still have the same spark that we used to. The spark that lasted 6 whole years. Some of you who really know me, probably know who I’m talking about, but still, privacy sake. All I’m saying is, keep your best friend close for as long as you can, while you can. If Bob ever finds this, you know who you are, “Hi old friend.” Anyway, thanks for listening to me share my opinions and feelings about friends. See you next week!

The Road to Recovery

Warren: Okay, I wasn’t going to write today, but I have to now. You know when you just can’t get over a certain fact? You start to go through a lot of emotions. Yeah, those are called 7 stages of grief. The 7 stages of Grief: 1. Shock and denial 2. Pain and guilt 3. Anger and bargaining 4. Depression, reflection and loneliness 5. The upward turn 6. Reconstruction and working through 7. Acceptance and Hope. I’m at stage 7 right now. But, let’s take it allllll the way back to the beginning of last year. So, let’s set the scene: I was just getting ready to go into middle school. You know, it was an adjustment period. I had anxiety before this, it was just getting really bad then. I, myself, just thought it was because I was starting middle school. Ya know, no big deal, I’ll get over it eventually. Nope! My anxiety just kept getting worse and worse. Until finally, my Mom said, “Do we need to take you for counselling?” Now, obviously, I was a bit hesitant at first, it was something new. Yeah, I cried in my first counselling session. I was mad at myself for the anxiety that I couldn’t control. I know you must be thinking, “But Warren, isn’t the first stage of grief denial,” and yeah, it is. You have to realize, that the stages of grief are not set in stone. So, if my first stage was anger, that’s just what it was. Anyway, on to what I was I was grieving about. I was grieving about how different I felt because of my CP (cerebral palsy). My CP made me feel like my legs didn’t have any use. I remember my exact quote, “Why do I even have these legs if they don’t do anything? I might as well cut them off!” But, that’s not true, my legs do have uses after all. In fact, I was just at soccer today (at the time of writing this). So, yeah, that in itself proves that my legs DO have a use. I keep telling you these side stories to back up my point of what I say. Anyway, my counselor said we would work through my negative emotions, and we did, bit by bit. I went through all the stages. The most prominent one for me was loneliness. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to relate to me. Yeah, I did a bit of bargaining, I said I’d sell my soul to be able to walk. I quickly learned that bargaining wasn’t going to work anytime soon. Eventually, all three of us, together, finally reached the upward turn. After months and months of my own pain and suffering, I finally started to reconstruct myself and work through the pain. The pain of being outcasted and alone. The pain of not being able to realize my dreams, like my dream of becoming a professional athlete one day. I could, but would it really be worth it when it didn’t look the way I dreamed it? At this point, I would rather dream about something else instead of chasing a dead dream. I slowly started to realize, everything was going to be okay, wishing to change it wasn’t going to do anything. After all that, I finally made it to acceptance. My counselor said it was a quick recovery, it didn’t feel quick. But, I guess in counseling terms, that it was quick. Anyway, the whole reason this blog came to be was because of a conversation I had with my Mom at dinner last night. It was a pretty long conversation, which I’m not really going to explain, because I feel like this blog is long enough. P.s. If you see this Mr. White, thank you for everything you’ve done. Seriously, I mean it. I feel like I’ve become such a better person after all you’ve done for me. So, thank you! Oh, and my Mom says hi. Leah: It was a long conversation we had over dinner. Instead of Warren just leaving it at that, I can at least give you the gist of the conversation. I was saying to Warren, over dinner, that just the same as I went through the stages of grief with his diagnosis; He has had to go through the stages of grief with his disability. Last year was hard for all of us as we watched him go through and tried to help him through his anger, depression, and loneliness. When he would cry to me and say, “I thought I’d walk one day, that I’d be able to run and play soccer. But I know I’m going to be stuck in this chair for the rest of my life.” I really hurt for him, it hurt my heart to watch him cycle through it. During our dinner conversation, I told him, the final stage is acceptance. He’s learning acceptance of his CP. I told him, now, he needs to own it, embrace it, and show everyone just how badass he is.

Disability Awareness

Warren: I’m just going to be honest, I don’t know how to really start this blog. So, I’m going to just directly tell you what I’ve been thinking. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stories involving disabilities. It was mainly CP, but there were some other disabilities. They were talking about how challenging life was for them in the beginning. But, when they stuck to their dreams, they could accomplish ANYTHING. I know that could be the same for anyone, but, when you accomplish something when you have a disability, serious or not, it just feels more rewarding. Even when we work on the real simple things, things you were supposed to learn as a baby but couldn’t because of complications with your disability. Like being able to hold something in your hand for more than 5 seconds, or even being able to open your hand at all to hold something, you know, the simple things. The things that you would normally do without conscious effort, without having to think about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m at the age now where I’ve learned how to do these things enough to where I can do it without thinking about it. Although, it was definitely hard in the beginning. It’s become a little easier now. I recently got new additions to my chair. So, I’m getting that little bit more independent day by day. I’m not saying that I’ll be fully independent one day… a boy can dream though. Even with this future knowledge, that doesn’t mean I’ll be totally hopeless. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you make opportune lemonade. Anyway, I feel like, everyday, a person with CP or a different disability is speaking up to make people aware of disabilities as a whole. Maybe that will be me one day, but who knows, afterall, I’m just a humble boy telling the internet his thoughts.

S-C-H-O-O-L You Got to go to School and Beat that Bell

Warren: School, it’s that boring, but really important thing that we all have to do at some point in our lives. If you’re wondering why this blog is about school, I start school tomorrow, so, yeah. Uh hem, anyway… School can be fun in some aspects, but for the most part, it’s really boring and monotonous. Especially if you don’t really have an interest in anything. Me, on the other hand, I have an interest in a lot of things. So, other than math, I don’t really get bored or frustrated because I try to be good at pretty much everything. I try to enjoy pretty much everything. Heck, even math sometimes, but a lot of the time it doesn’t work out like all the other classes. While I am not looking forward to going back tomorrow; I’m pretty sure I’ll like all my classes and teachers. So, as long as I keep trying to have fun in all of my classes, school should at least feel easier to me. How does the saying go? It’s not about the journey, it’s about the friends you make along the way. Is that how it goes Mom? Leah: I don’t know? Or something like that… Or you just made a whole new saying and I like it. Warren: Anyway, I have a lot of friends and that should make school a lot happier and easier to bear. So, yeah, that’s pretty much it. I just wanted to tell you guys what I thought about school and my thoughts on going back to school. Since I’m starting school, we might write our blog every Friday or Saturday. So, we might have a little double header blog this week...if I feel like it. Leah: School, at the end of the school year, you can’t wait for summer break. After two weeks of listening to Minecraft, Fortnite and YouTube videos, you can’t wait for school to start again. It’s a catch 22. Last year was such a big transition with it being Warren’s first year in middle school. As ready as I am for school to start, I can’t help but have fears and worries. I hope the second year of middle school runs a bit smoother than the first year. There were so many times last year that I wanted to pull Warren out of school and have him do online schooling instead. I knew I could never do that because it wouldn’t be fair to him. Warren is so sociable, so smart and bright, he needs to be able to shine for all to see. I warned him that middle school would be a lot different and that he needed to hold his ground at all times. I reminded him, (as I do all the time), he has a voice, use it. When I’m not there to advocate for him, to advocate for himself. I think I had a harder time with the transition than he did though. I just hope for the majority of his interactions to be positive this year. No matter how much you’re ready for them to go back to school, it’s hard to let our babies go off into the unknown just the same… Whatever age they may be. One thing is for certain, it goes way too quick. I may not cry when he leaves on the bus that first day anymore. But, I can’t help but think, with each grade he progresses, I just don’t know how the time goes so fast. So, make sure to hold em’ tight and hug em’ hard on that first day… That is, if they’ll let you.

The Joys of Writing

Warren: I’m going to be honest, at first, I didn’t really think writing was for me. But, everyone else was like, “You have such a way with words, you should try it.” This went on for a long time. Until finally, I gave in. The first blog was obviously me and my Mom together. Then, she was like, “You should try it on your own.” In my head I was kind of dreading this idea. I thought I didn’t really have much to say. Then, I tried it. I haven’t really felt like I could do much on my own until a couple blogs ago. It was then that I realized how much fun and how much of a stress reliever writing can be. I couldn’t wait to write this blog because I have tons and tons of good ideas. Then it hit me! I said to myself, “You know what would be a good idea? The simplest idea of them all...Writing about how much I love writing.” So, here I am, and yeah, it is genuinely fun. I’ve seen a major decrease in my panic attacks; Because of being able to write about all the good that is going on and just my plain old thoughts. The majority of my audience are people I know. So, you guys out there get to catch up with my thoughts. If you haven’t tried writing, you should try it! It’s a good way to express yourself and decompress from the anxiety of the outside world. P.S. Sorry there was no deep conversation this week. I just thought it would be fun to express the joys of writing. If you guys like that, I will try to do more “just talking” in the future. But if you like the thought provoking, deep thinking blogs, I will most definitely have more of those in the future too. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. :)

Lifting Spirits Up

Warren: Now, I’m going to sound a little bit biased in this post. But, that’s because this is a really passionate topic of mine. Ready, set, go! My parents are the most wonderful parents I could ask for. They help me through all my ups and downs. They help me through my anxiety. They help me through my sadness. They’ve helped me through so much. I feel like I don’t do enough. I know most of it is not my fault, because of my CP. But, the way I think is, that I could do more and I want to do more. I try, but it feels like it’s never enough. I mean, what help is sitting in this chair all day? Not much. I just want to help, I don’t want to be dead weight all my life. I have this brain, but I can’t really use it for anything inside the house. Except use it to control my hands and play video games. I’ve always wanted to be a professional gamer. I’ve also always wanted to do so much more, artist, musician, professional athlete. But the only things that seem feasible are professional gamer and writer. I always wanted to do a lot with my life to break the barriers of disabilities. While I want to be realistic, I feel like I can achieve them, eventually. I’ve heard a lot of “no’s” by my fellow peers and teachers. I don’t understand why they tell me “no” anymore. I’ve proved time and time again that I could do it. I know I talk about this a lot, but one of my most proud examples is being in the gifted ELA class. I’ve heard, “How did they let you in there? You’re not smart enough. Did they just feel bad for you?” I had one simple answer, I used big words that he didn’t understand and then I said, “And that’s probably why they’ll let me in the 7th too!” I officially got the letter of confirmation that I will be in the 7th grade gifted ELA program. BAM! So, yeah, I think I proved a point. All in all, no matter how many things I accomplish in my life… I will always remember that my parents never gave up on me they only helped me get stronger and stronger.

Fantasy... and a bit more

Warren: Fantasy, it’s this magical realm where, if you can dream it, you can realize it. Be honest, we all day dream into our own little world, which is the concept of the world we want it to be. Two great examples of that are video games and books. The most popular book example is say, something like the Harry Potter (™) books. The most popular video game example that comes to mind is Minecraft (™). While it may seem a simple concept, build, survive, or just live a peaceful life; It’s actually a very complex game. It captures the essence of fantasy perfectly. Fantasy, on the surface, is a simple concept, a simple plot. But, it can actually be woven into many different paths. Because fantasy is just that, made up. You may think something like Minecraft (™) or the Lego(™) games is a game for young audiences, and generally, yeah, it is. But, there’s many passionate people that play Minecraft (™) that fits each age demographic. Some of us have literally been playing Minecraft (™) for years upon years. That it still manages to impress us and surprise us is simply amazing. Fantasy is just that, endless fun, endless possibilities. While I play other games, I find myself almost always coming back to Minecraft (™) at some point. Minecraft (™) came out in 2009, when I was 3 years old. As I got older and started hearing about Minecraft (™), I was intrigued. So, around 2011/2012, I was finally able to get my hands on Minecraft (™) and I immediately fell in love with it. The idea that I could build whatever I wanted was amazing to me. You could even build a tower to the sky limit. Leah: Wait, seriously? Is this whole blog post going to be about Minecraft (™)? Warren: Well, Minecraft (™) is technically fantasy and this is OUR blog and I want to talk about fantasy. It’s OUR blog and we can do whatever we want and no one can stop us. So, if I want to talk about Minecraft (™), I’m going to talk about Minecraft (™), because this is OUR blog and no one can stop us. Leah: *Rolls my eyes* Warren: So, as I was saying, the most satisfying part after building to the sky limit is knocking your tower down and falling to the ground (you wouldn’t die if you were in creative mode). If you wanted to build a tower in survival mode and then fall off of it, build near water and land in the water. Leah: I’m not so sure that people care about the intricacies of how to play Minecraft (™), for reals. Warren: Why are you going to get after me if you couldn’t even spell “intricacies” right the first time, or even just then when you typed it for me!? Leah: You haven’t a clue how to spell the bulk of the big words that you throw out there! I’m the one typing it all as you SAY it, and I know how to spell most of all those big words you throw out there. So, THERE! BAM! Warren: Well, no one is perfect. Besides, ever since Kindergarten and First Grade, spelling tests aren’t required anymore. So how would I know how to spell it if they’re not teaching me it. Like, why would they even get rid of it anyway, because we needed that. I don’t want to be stranded out there on my own, throwing out big words, then not even knowing how to spell the big word I just threw out to back up my point. Are you happy this isn’t about Minecraft (™) anymore!? Leah: First off, I’m pretty sure you had spelling tests up until 3rd or 4th Grade. After all, I was the one helping you study for them. Secondly, yes, I’m glad that we could digress so far off track to get beyond talking about THAT game… whose name shall not be mentioned. Warren: What do you mean? Mine.. Leah: Nope, not going back there again. Warren: Is there a fantasy realm where I can spell? Leah: I’m sure it exists somewhere. Like in the not so fantasy world of predictive text. Warren: That’s why I always use predictive text. Leah: Well, call me “old school” but, I like to know that I know how to spell the words. Predictive text is nice and all, but, just saying. Warren: You will never be “old school”, Mom. Leah: Thanks…Coming from the same child who constantly berates me and says, “Mom! Why don’t you know anything about technology!?” “Mom! Why don’t you know anything about trends!?” Warren: Do I do that? You must be wrong, you must be mistaken. Leah: *Rolls my eyes*

My New Buddy, Rico

Warren: I got a kitten. Despite the fact that he claws and bites all over you, he’s actually pretty fun. His name is Rico, Rico Suave. He gets along with Henny (Henry), our dog, very nicely. Henry loves having a kitty. It’s really cute, because at first, Rico was unsure and Henny was all over him. But now, Rico actively searches for Henny. When Henny doesn’t want to eat, Rico sneakily tries to eat his food. We have to try and catch Rico before he eats Henny’s food. But, Rico is still a baby, so we have to go easy on him. Henny is respectful when Rico is eating his own food, he just sits and watches Rico eat his food. Rico often jumps up onto my tray and tries to scratch and claw me. Other times, he jumps up onto my tray and right into my arms. He purrs away while I cuddle him. He likes to be swaddled like an actual baby. So, basically, when Rico’s tired and you hit his sweet spot, he’s like an angel. When he’s awake and hyper, he’s a cheeky little devil. All in all, Rico’s a good kitten. He’s just curious and has to do regular “kitten stuff”. Don’t get me wrong, I love Henny and he is Rico’s big brother, but, Rico is substantially different from Henny. Rico actively seeks me out and we quite possibly think that he loves me over everybody else. He plays with me more than anybody in the house. He just sits with me and purrs while I’m relaxing and watching YouTube or basically whatever. Rico seems to be with me about 97% of the time. July 20th is the birthday I gave Rico, because that’s the day we got him. Rico is fun to watch when he plays. He’ll “trick” his toy mouse by walking away to make it seem like he’s leaving, then pounce on it a couple seconds later. Long story short, Rico is my little buddy and I can’t wait to be there to watch my little buddy grow up with me. Leah: The joy that pets bring to your life is amazing. They become valuable members of your family. At times, just like any family member can, they drive me absolutely crazy as well. Mostly, they bring joy, love and comedic relief. I love to watch the way Henry and Rico interact with Warren. Henry, from the day we went to meet him before we adopted him, stole my heart. Trev had Henry on the leash, while I pushed Warren in his adaptive stroller. Trev and Henry had got a good way ahead of us, Henry stopped, turned around to look for Warren and I, and wouldn’t move again until we had caught up to them. We already knew we were going to adopt Henry. But, that was the moment I knew without a doubt that he was the dog for us. It took Henry a little while to get used to Warren’s power chair. He doesn’t mind it at all now. Henry loves it even more when Warren is out of his power chair and sitting on the couch or in his bed so he can snuggle with him. Rico, he used Warren’s power chair as a jungle gym on his first day here. Rico had no qualms whatsoever, jumping up on Warren’s tray and just getting up in his face, playing with him and loving on him. Warren always wants nothing more than for people to treat him equally and to see him for who he is. For people to look beyond the power chair he’s sitting in for his mobility and see the kid actually sitting there. That’s the beauty of pets, they don’t they don’t discriminate, they aren’t biased. They will cuddle you, play with you, seek (demand) your love and attention, no matter what. Henry and Rico see Warren for Warren. Their human brother that wants to be cuddled, loved on, played with… and their main source for food dropped during meals.

Inspiration

Warren: Okay, here we go. So, CP… is, well, let’s say it’s complicated. You might be wondering, what does CP stand for, it means cerebral palsy. Basically, CP comes in many different forms. You have the serious form, the moderate form (which I have), and you have the mild form. But, these forms all vary and look very different. I was “lucky” enough to be diagnosed with a very moderate form. I AM lucky enough to even speak and to even be alive. But, even with CP, I still manage to live my life the way I want to. I am in the gifted ELA class, I just finished 6th grade, I have friends and family to support me. I’m on the honor roll. I outsmarted any kids who picked on me this past school year. I raise my hand in almost every class. I answered almost every question with confidence. I liked every teacher I had. So, yeah, CP has its ups and downs. But, if any one of the 17 million people out there with CP are reading this, WE CAN DO IT!!! No matter how many times the haters push us down, we will get back up. Everyone is good at something, whether it’s physically or academically. You will succeed! Don’t let anyone tell you, “you can’t” or “you won’t”. Just because you have to try harder, doesn’t make it impossible. You just have to show the world. I know it can be hard, I know it can be tough, but, you will do it. It’s going to be a long, bumpy road. But, nothing is handed to you, you have to work hard, day in and day out. I know I may sound like a cliche inspirational movie, but it’s true. Anyone can be anything as long as you put the work in. It’s not about respect or recognition, it’s about pride. Pride in knowing you did something important. Pride in knowing that you accomplished your goals. People aren’t going to notice straight away, but they will notice eventually. You have pride in knowing that you took the world head on and left your mark. CP isn’t a hindrance, it’s a way to get you to work harder, it’s a way to get you to dream bigger. Most importantly, don’t forget the people that helped get you there. Also, try to remember this, you don’t have to remember my name, just remember this: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING… it’s just going to be a little harder. Mom, do you have anything to say about this? Leah: You know, Warren, this is the reason that I watch (and make you watch) every inspirational, encouraging, success story video of people with special needs that I come across. I can’t get enough of watching videos like that. Nothing brings me greater joy than seeing people overcoming adversity and being determined to do more, be more. This is the message I preach to you, always, but I love to be able to show you other people with special needs out there succeeding. I feel as though exposure and awareness is key. It’s impossible for any person who has no exposure and no awareness to even begin to understand people with special needs. It’s impossible for them to understand that people with special needs have hopes, dreams, and goals the same as everyone else. People tend to fear what they don’t understand. The more success stories I see of people with special needs, the more I feel like we’re getting the word out there. It’s high time to break down the barriers, dispel the misconceptions and stigmas. The world needs to know that people with special needs, are just PEOPLE with special needs, and they matter. Warren, I know you are going to go far in this life, you are destined for great things. I just hope that you also become the advocate, the voice, the motivational speaker I know you can be. But sure, I guess we’re making a start with that here.

Warren to the Rescue

Warren: Okay, so like Mom probably said in our last blog, I’m going to be doing the talking this blog post. So, here we go! Have you ever just felt like you’re laying in your bed or something and all of a sudden, you just can’t breathe, you’re hyperventilating and you get a weird feeling throughout your body? Well, that’s what I felt last night. I’m going to be honest, and this is a bit embarrassing, but, I thought I was going to die. So, I called Mom into my room and she helped me calm down. But, I’m going to be honest, I couldn’t even feel a muscle in my behind. All I felt was this like this twitching in that particular muscle. I don’t know why, but it did happen. But, what I do know is, my counselor once said, “Your body has this fight or flight reaction, because it doesn’t know what is going on.” Basically, it means your body is on high alert. But, 99.9% of the time, it’s absolutely nothing. My counselor also taught me about the amygdala in the brain. The amygdala is the thing that triggers the panic, triggers your fight or flight reaction. Basically, the amygdala is that annoying little brother or sister that won’t be quiet for even 2 seconds to really just assess the situation. Boy, once your amygdala gets going it’s hard to stop it. But, by doing deep breathing and telling yourself what you’re grateful for, that eventually tells the amygdala, and the rest of your brain, that you don’t care and it was probably nothing. By knowing that you’re safe, you can happily go to sleep or continue what you were doing. So, long story short, anxiety sucks! But, the reason why I am happy to write these blogs with my Mom is so we hopefully connect with someone out there and help them understand some things in this crazy, wacky world. Now, don’t get me wrong, it won’t tell you everything, but, it will give you a nice head start.

Perception

Leah: Recently, Warren’s counselor made a comment to me, that has me questioning my self awareness. Usually, my anxiety and insecurities compel me to question how I am perceived by other people. I often wonder how total strangers perceive me after an innocuous interaction at the grocery store...still, days after the interaction. I’m always certain that I exude that, “hot mess” sort of vibe. I’m sure that people can sense my awkwardness from a mile away. I’m positive that people can detect my anxiety and uncertainty while trying to form any type of response to a vague, benign conversation. Not to mention how off putting I can be with my total lack of a filter as to what comes out of my mouth. These are the ways I have always perceived myself. So, just a bit of a back story, I started taking Warren to counseling a year ago. He was having trouble with his own anxiety from trying to deal with where he fit in this world as a kid with a disability. On top of the range of emotions and uncertainty kids go through at this stage in life. I assured Warren that he could always talk to me about anything that was going on with him. I just felt he could benefit from counseling and being given a professional, unbiased perspective on things. The counselor Warren had was absolutely amazing. Warren didn’t view it as a chore to go because he and his counselor had fun. I found the man to be funny, intelligent and very relatable. I was always candid and open with him about Warren’s anxiety being in his DNA, because I suffered greatly from it. Anyway, this last counseling session, Warren decided that he was doing well, feeling good, had pretty good control over his anxiety, and he didn’t need counseling anymore. I agreed that he had, in fact, been doing better and ultimately it was Warren’s decision. Well, we didn’t know, going into the appointment, that it would be our last appointment. So, at the end of the session, it turns into our goodbyes, essentially. The counselor is jokingly pointing out (for the umpteenth time) my inability to go to the library. (Seriously, new situations, where I don’t know the lay of the land or how things work, unless I absolutely HAVE to, I totally won’t do it. The library is one of those many places, for me.) I say, to Warren, “Well, what do we all know Mom is?” Warren loudly declares, “Awkward!” The counselor genuinely looks shocked at this admission and deadpans me when he says, “Awkward, really? I would never consider you awkward. I find you to be very poised and put together.” I kid you not! My mouth was no doubt hanging open as I looked behind me to make sure he wasn’t talking to someone else. He says, “No, seriously, I mean it.” I said to him, apprehensively, “Why, thank you, I don’t think anyone has ever described me as poised before.” I mean, we’re talking about a person with a psychology degree, just gave his perceived analysis of me. Maybe my stealth game is on point and I just didn’t realize it? Maybe I’m projecting a facade of calm while I feel all awkward, anxious, “hot mess” inside? No, who am I kidding, I’m starting to think he totally used reverse psychology on me. Warren, hit me up child, what do you think about all of this... or anything in general? Warren: In all seriousness, I think you are very poised, Mom. You just see yourself as awkward and therefore you feel awkward, even when you’re not. I don’t think you’re an awkward person. You just think you are because you think about it too much. Leah: Are you trying to say, if I thought about myself as being poised and put together, I’d feel as though I was perceived that way by other people as well? Warren: For example, if I take a deep breath and I think about my responses, I can say the whole sentence in a really calm manner. I’m talking to you right now in a really calm manner because I am constructing it as I go along. Leah: Why are you so smart? Stop it! No, don’t stop it, I love that you’re so smart. Warren: What can I say, I’m intellectually gifted. I can’t stop my gift. Leah: No, you’re right, you need to keep giving that gift to people as well. Maybe, you should start an advice column and call it, “Warren’s Wisdom.” Warren: I’d call it, “Warren’s Witty Wisdom.” Leah: “Wise Words from Wazza.” Warren: I like that one too, but I’m sticking with “Warren’s Witty Wisdom.” Leah: Fair enough.

The Intro

Leah: Motherhood, the biggest challenge a woman will ever face. Being a Mom comes with highs, lows, unbelievable joy, utter frustration and everything in between. Being a Medical/Special Needs Mom, whew, you have to bring your A game for this stuff. If you are new to the world of being a Medical/Special Needs Mom, whether from your child’s birth or a condition later in life, bienvenue, welcome. I’d like to be able to assure you that it will get easier, but I can’t. I can say, you will learn to adapt. You will pull strength from places within you that you didn’t even know existed, especially when you feel you’re at your weakest. You’ll think of what your child has to go through and it will bolster you. Because you watch your child face each day with strength and determination and know you must do the same for them. You will be overcome, at some point or many points, by the crushing weight of this new life. This new life, that comes with endless doctor appointments, specialist appointments, therapy appointments, surgeries/procedures, hospital stays, adaptive equipment… The list is extensive as is the stress. But, you will also experience joy and pride like you’ve never felt before. Especially when your child reaches a milestone or an accomplishment, medically or physically. Because you know just how unbelievably hard your child had to work for any milestone or accomplishment. Most importantly, you will become your child’s biggest advocate and loudest, most enthusiastic cheerleader. Welcome to the cheerleading squad! You will find, while well meaning, a lot of people will have advice for you. People that don’t understand your situation, will inevitably try to offer you parenting advice. Parenting advice that absolutely doesn’t pertain to you, your child, or your situation. People will make, not very well thought out, comments to you about your child. You have 3 options really, 1. Educate these people. 2. Pick a fight. 3. Or, smile and just walk away. Choose your battles, but, save your strength and sanity for what you have to deal with every day. You will often hear this, “I don’t know how you do it?” or “I could never do what you do.” Let me just say this, loud and clear, for everyone in the back, WHEN THIS IS THE LIFE YOU ARE GIVEN, YES, YOU CAN! We’re Moms, we pull up our big girl pants and do whatever needs to be done for our child. When we are utterly overwhelmed, we break down and cry. Then, we pick ourselves back up and keep moving forward. But, to those people that see us struggle in this life sometimes, thank you for noticing us. Thank you for noticing me. Thank you to the waitress that noticed and commended me for spending 5 minutes cutting up my son’s food and feeding him first, before I ever took a bite of my own food. Thank you to all the people that notice my strain while lifting my 12 year old “child” in or out of his car seat or in and out of his adaptive stroller and offer to help me. Thank you to the school secretary for ignoring my stressed out, scatterbrained, unkempt appearance, and praising me on how organized I am with anything to do with my son. Thank you to the dietician for applauding my efforts to lift my son’s spirits back up after he had a disparaging meltdown about the unfairness of being a wheelchair bound kid. Thank you to the therapist for noticing how my son and I interact. For noticing how special our relationship is, how we go off into our own little world while having a witty, intellectual, or silly conversation. The life of a Medical/Special Needs Mom and child can often be lonely and isolating. It feels good to know people can still see us. I’m Warren’s Mom, aka a Medical/Special Needs Mom. Warren is the smartest, sweetest, funniest, wittiest, most caring, empathetic, coolest, tech savvy kid with cerebral palsy. He is my absolute world and I love him with my everything. Welcome to an insight into our world. Some days, it might be hilarious, it might be heartbreaking other days. That’s just how we roll. Warren will be chiming in here as well, this is our joint venture. Warren: I hate being classed as, “medical” when I barely have anything wrong with me. But yet, you have a couple things on the physical side and they slap a label on you and automatically classify you as, “medical”. The weird looks, not looking at you, holding you back because they think you can’t do it, I hate all of it. But, when you try to show them that you’re just as normal as everybody else, some people won’t look. The people that do look are the people that really care. They are the people that have your back, no matter what. They make up your neighborhood, they make up your world, they make up your universe. They are your friends, your family, and the all around good people in this world. When being confronted by another kid or an adult, you have a few options. 1. You can ignore them and “walk” away. 2. You can try to educate them, (even though they probably won’t listen). 3. You can “accidentally” run over their foot with your powerchair. 4. Or, you can go on a witty rant about how they picked the wrong person to mess with and watch how shocked and confused they are about how smart you are. (This option is my personal favorite. They will probably leave you alone for good). You know, there was this little baby, who had a very slim chance of surviving when he came out. But, those doctors who reacted as quickly as they did to save this baby’s life, were incredible. You might be asking, who is this baby? I will tell you, that baby is the same witty kid sitting here, writing this story. That baby, was me. I am Warren Dunne. I am the kid that seemingly always has a smile on his face that everyone is extremely impressed by. But, the person who gave me the confidence to write this was, my Mom, Leah Dunne. She always tries to keep me in high spirits. She always tries to do everything she can to make life as fair as possible. You know, she’s always been that type of awkward person who keeps to herself. But, when you get to know her, you know that she is a really good person, and an even better Mom. I wouldn’t be here without all of the people who didn’t give up on me. But, I especially wouldn’t be here without that loving, caring Mom. My Mom, who fights tooth and nail every day to make my life as good as possible. Those are the people that you really want on your side. And boy, is my life a good one. Leah: Gah! That boy melts my heart!!!!! <3<3<3 Warren: Geez, I wouldn’t want to melt your heart, that would probably be bad. ;) Leah: Well, I don’t think we have to genuinely worry about that happening, it’s not like my heart is made of wax, or plastic… or chocolate. Warren: Okay, so we’re being smart now huh? But, then, why did you say, “melt” when your heart can’t melt? Leah: Wasn’t it better than saying you make my heart implode or something? Melting is better than imploding… Just saying. Warren: I’ve got nothing.