Maturity Meet Immaturity

Warren: To be mature or not to be, that is the question. Nah, I’m just kidding, but seriously, when you’re really mature as a kid and you want to commit yourself to doing something, but then the kid in you just says, “Nah, we’ll do it tomorrow.” Two days later comes around and you HAVE to do it, then the maturity in you says, “Just accept it,” and wants to do it. Then, the kid in you challenges EVERYTHING! I’m sorry Mom, but it’s “technically” not my fault. I mean, it is, but it’s not. I know you were like that as a kid, a mature kid, but when you did something irrational, you would judge yourself for it. So, yeah, I’m literally the male version of you, Mom. Then, I feel bad when we get into a huge argument and then like, ten minutes later, my mature side says to the kid in me, “What have you done? You fool!” (Leah: Incidentally, he’s laughing about calling himself a fool). Warren: Well, it’s true, Mom, and then I feel really bad about trying to push you to your limit. Even though you’ll always love me, those are a lot of moments I regret. Leah: Warren, I will absolutely love you, NO MATTER WHAT! The stuff you’re going through at this age, is normal. The fact that we butt heads and argue about those things, like you procrastinating or just not wanting to do something you have to do, is normal. Warren: Yeah, but it’s still so annoying when your mature side has to just sit there and watch and let the chaos unfold. Leah: I think that’s called, your rational side fighting against your raging hormonal side. Warren: I see what you’re saying, but I just want us to love each other no matter what. Leah: We DO love each other, no matter what, and we always will… even when your hormones are running the show. Warren: To any kids out there, or adults who were like this as kids, you’re not alone. Anyway, I just want to stop saying something mature and then my hormonal kid side contradicts my mature side every five seconds. So, yeah, that was my most recent struggle and I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog. Leah: Can I just weigh in again? Warren: That’s funny, I was just going to ask you if you had any closing thoughts, Mom. Are we telepathic? Leah: Yes, we are, except when it comes to homework. Anyway, speaking as a… ahem, 40 year old woman… Warren: Did that hurt to even type? Leah: Yeah, it really did. Anyway, as a woman of a particular age, I fight against my mature side and my hormonal side. I’m sure you will find a lot of adults out there that can say the same and suffer from procrastination and contradicting themselves as well. It’s not exclusive to your age and it's certainly nothing to beat yourself up over. But yeah, I feel ya and still love you just the same. Warren: You know what else feels weird to say? That I am an… ahem… a teenager! Oh man, that felt weird to say. But, anyway, that’s all folks! (Leah: Insert Porky Pig sound clip here).

My Best Friend

Warren: Friends, they’re the people you’re close to, they’re the people you can tell anything to and they still wouldn’t judge you. Friends have been a big part of my childhood, just like most other people’s childhood. To the people that didn’t have many friends, I can relate to you too. But, I’m going to mainly talk about what it’s like to have that one friend that you can always go to. Now, for the sake of his own privacy, I’m going to call him, Bob. The day I really met Bob was in preschool and we really connected and started laughing about something. Now, I don’t know exactly what we were laughing about (you know how preschoolers are). But it seems like I remembered that it was pretty funny anyway. I look back on that day with great fondness. That was the start of a long, healthy friendship. (Sorry, it’s really hard to concentrate while my cat is playing with his toy in the background). Anyway, that friendship not only lasted for 10 months, it has lasted for 6 years. You may be asking, “But, Warren, what happened to Bob?” Bob moved to a different school, but he’s pretty close still. I don’t see him though. I hope that one day the friendship can be rekindled and that we still have the same spark that we used to. The spark that lasted 6 whole years. Some of you who really know me, probably know who I’m talking about, but still, privacy sake. All I’m saying is, keep your best friend close for as long as you can, while you can. If Bob ever finds this, you know who you are, “Hi old friend.” Anyway, thanks for listening to me share my opinions and feelings about friends. See you next week!

The Road to Recovery

Warren: Okay, I wasn’t going to write today, but I have to now. You know when you just can’t get over a certain fact? You start to go through a lot of emotions. Yeah, those are called 7 stages of grief. The 7 stages of Grief: 1. Shock and denial 2. Pain and guilt 3. Anger and bargaining 4. Depression, reflection and loneliness 5. The upward turn 6. Reconstruction and working through 7. Acceptance and Hope. I’m at stage 7 right now. But, let’s take it allllll the way back to the beginning of last year. So, let’s set the scene: I was just getting ready to go into middle school. You know, it was an adjustment period. I had anxiety before this, it was just getting really bad then. I, myself, just thought it was because I was starting middle school. Ya know, no big deal, I’ll get over it eventually. Nope! My anxiety just kept getting worse and worse. Until finally, my Mom said, “Do we need to take you for counselling?” Now, obviously, I was a bit hesitant at first, it was something new. Yeah, I cried in my first counselling session. I was mad at myself for the anxiety that I couldn’t control. I know you must be thinking, “But Warren, isn’t the first stage of grief denial,” and yeah, it is. You have to realize, that the stages of grief are not set in stone. So, if my first stage was anger, that’s just what it was. Anyway, on to what I was I was grieving about. I was grieving about how different I felt because of my CP (cerebral palsy). My CP made me feel like my legs didn’t have any use. I remember my exact quote, “Why do I even have these legs if they don’t do anything? I might as well cut them off!” But, that’s not true, my legs do have uses after all. In fact, I was just at soccer today (at the time of writing this). So, yeah, that in itself proves that my legs DO have a use. I keep telling you these side stories to back up my point of what I say. Anyway, my counselor said we would work through my negative emotions, and we did, bit by bit. I went through all the stages. The most prominent one for me was loneliness. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to relate to me. Yeah, I did a bit of bargaining, I said I’d sell my soul to be able to walk. I quickly learned that bargaining wasn’t going to work anytime soon. Eventually, all three of us, together, finally reached the upward turn. After months and months of my own pain and suffering, I finally started to reconstruct myself and work through the pain. The pain of being outcasted and alone. The pain of not being able to realize my dreams, like my dream of becoming a professional athlete one day. I could, but would it really be worth it when it didn’t look the way I dreamed it? At this point, I would rather dream about something else instead of chasing a dead dream. I slowly started to realize, everything was going to be okay, wishing to change it wasn’t going to do anything. After all that, I finally made it to acceptance. My counselor said it was a quick recovery, it didn’t feel quick. But, I guess in counseling terms, that it was quick. Anyway, the whole reason this blog came to be was because of a conversation I had with my Mom at dinner last night. It was a pretty long conversation, which I’m not really going to explain, because I feel like this blog is long enough. P.s. If you see this Mr. White, thank you for everything you’ve done. Seriously, I mean it. I feel like I’ve become such a better person after all you’ve done for me. So, thank you! Oh, and my Mom says hi. Leah: It was a long conversation we had over dinner. Instead of Warren just leaving it at that, I can at least give you the gist of the conversation. I was saying to Warren, over dinner, that just the same as I went through the stages of grief with his diagnosis; He has had to go through the stages of grief with his disability. Last year was hard for all of us as we watched him go through and tried to help him through his anger, depression, and loneliness. When he would cry to me and say, “I thought I’d walk one day, that I’d be able to run and play soccer. But I know I’m going to be stuck in this chair for the rest of my life.” I really hurt for him, it hurt my heart to watch him cycle through it. During our dinner conversation, I told him, the final stage is acceptance. He’s learning acceptance of his CP. I told him, now, he needs to own it, embrace it, and show everyone just how badass he is.

Disability Awareness

Warren: I’m just going to be honest, I don’t know how to really start this blog. So, I’m going to just directly tell you what I’ve been thinking. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stories involving disabilities. It was mainly CP, but there were some other disabilities. They were talking about how challenging life was for them in the beginning. But, when they stuck to their dreams, they could accomplish ANYTHING. I know that could be the same for anyone, but, when you accomplish something when you have a disability, serious or not, it just feels more rewarding. Even when we work on the real simple things, things you were supposed to learn as a baby but couldn’t because of complications with your disability. Like being able to hold something in your hand for more than 5 seconds, or even being able to open your hand at all to hold something, you know, the simple things. The things that you would normally do without conscious effort, without having to think about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m at the age now where I’ve learned how to do these things enough to where I can do it without thinking about it. Although, it was definitely hard in the beginning. It’s become a little easier now. I recently got new additions to my chair. So, I’m getting that little bit more independent day by day. I’m not saying that I’ll be fully independent one day… a boy can dream though. Even with this future knowledge, that doesn’t mean I’ll be totally hopeless. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you make opportune lemonade. Anyway, I feel like, everyday, a person with CP or a different disability is speaking up to make people aware of disabilities as a whole. Maybe that will be me one day, but who knows, afterall, I’m just a humble boy telling the internet his thoughts.